it is not about wanting nice things. of course i want nice things.
it is not about how much money i make or have made or will make. of course i want to be able to support myself and my little family.
it is not about being able to compare my friends, my family’s, my extended family’s, my neighbor’s, my hygientist’s, nor my hairstylist’s style, purse, shoes, vacation, boat, etc. it would be nice sometimes to have what they have.
it is about what makes me happy. and i am trying not to value things, as much as i value people and time.
i am supposed to tell a story. it is the real story of our past, their future, and my present. it is the story of times lost to error in judgement. in wanting what we have not earned. we are able to put in the work ourselves.
i am supposed to get back to the basics. food, grown by ourselves, not in a lab. work done by our hands, not a system that fails with the man-made power (outage). health earned, and kept up through pure exercise and sweat. we are to abandon the idea that the earnings of a sum, are equal to the happiness that it will bring.
we are human beings, searching for what will fill our void:: when in question, is not our void, but our presence, what we need to acknowledge? what are we present for? field trips and band concerts? or meetings, and agendas. what happened to the family meal at dinner or supper time when everyone talked about their day? there were no television interruptions, no smart-tech gadgets and gizmos.
only real talk, and love. sharing the homemade bread, passing the mashed potatoes. (notice i mentioned both my favorite type of carbs). the real culprit behind why we don’t have time for anything, is because we allow others to tell us how we should spend it. think about that. it is OUR time. my time. your time. so what if you are going to be missing a meeting that could promote you? so what if that promotion could give you such a big raise that you could earn a second home. it doesn’t matter if you will never have time to visit that second home. it certainly doesn’t matter to your eight year old, whose soccer game you missed, because you need to earn over what you really need to survive.
and in the end, that is what it boils down to. what do we need to make us happy, help us survive? not want, not think we want, not desire because the billion dollar you-know-who systems think we should have, to fatten their pockets. greed of things, greed of spending time trying to earn things that will not matter in a hundred years, guilty, dirty, soul-sucking greed. what type of greed are you feeding into? it is my belief that if you do not understand that the ascension of greed is directly proportional to the decension of human, then you do not understand love.
it is okay to have special things that make us happy. as long as those things don’t hurt people. it is okay to want special things to make the day easier, more enjoyable. as long as those things are not overtaking living.
i would love to feel like the only thing anyone could ever accuse me of, would be being greedy with time with those i love. i will still want. sometimes i will “covet” (as my madre likes to say), but please help me re-write our story. i want to try and live my life with less things, and more hugs, more time with loved ones, more happy. more simple.
i have taken a long journey from that of a wanting person, to that of a needs person. i will still want. but it is different now. i have lost a lot on my path, and i have hurt those i love. i need to remember that love is the best gift i can give.
i want to make this journey i am on worth it.