i am not sure what the path that God has chosen for me except that somehow i’m a connector.
i am the railroad conductor.
child, sister, mediator. long term-er.
connector. like a copper wire of sorts, weaving my way around, making sure the electricity is on between folks.
i utilize this copper with a sense of urgency, then, restraint.
i rearrange this metal hoop, with which, i cannot jump through without affecting another human, someone’s child,- perhaps, someone’s aunt.
should i make stuff to sell on etsy?
move closer to alex, get a new job, a new home?
remain in tact at a job that i’m slowly building confidence and regard to usefulness? make paintings of my poetry, hoping to gain extra income to stash away for blue bears farm?
i know that i will not stop dreaming and believing in this blog. a blog that has been a dream for over two years, that i don’t update nearly enough, and that i obsess over & OVER who reads and follows and likes.
i know that i am not the same kind of dreamer you are. we don’t work the same or react anything alike. i don’t like photos of myself, and barely know how to keep a home running.
but i love.
with all my heart. every single minute. the people and breathing living things around me.
they feel it. i know they do. even when i feel guilty for calling a friend at exactly the wrong time every.single.time. they know at least i thought of them.
and i break. a lot…my compass of what’s right, and what’s too much to say or worry about is often in the shop. BUT…
i know i can make this blog work. somehow it will generate interest enough. it will liken someone to know how to be nicer. more sensitive. laugh louder. eat more bread. (y’all know i’m a carbsLOVER, right?). maybe someone thinks i’m kooky for laying this all out there.
but me? i’m only doing what i think is right. a connector of worlds. step-mamas, singles, marrieds, old, young, cranky, hippy, artsty, muscially inclined to fall in love, sportsy, overweight, undervalued, book worm, sassypants, bike riding, motorcycle passengering, river fishing, middle of the long road, different path taken people.
i believe i have the power to connect them all.