my brain gets mushed into thinking that everything on the news is the only news.
sluggishly moping along
like there is no good out there.
i wander in and out of a pessimistic haze, unsure of my faith, too much noise,
too much hurt – intense pain for those whom i cannot help. i get depressed.
it happens more than it should to be honest.
regardless of my brain’s chemistry, i want to know more JOY.
i have more than enough love, experiences & laughter in my life to know anything but happiness.
i know my faith SHOULD be stronger than my worries, my fears, mine (others’) pain.
i know i am not alone in this warp of too much.
i cannot control everything that happens to me, only my attitude toward it.
most days, it only lasts a few minutes, maybe an hour.
something miraculous happens: i notice the joy.
i become engaged in being ALIVE THAT VERY MOMENT.
i pick up the details, i smell, i touch, i seek.
i am reminded that i have been given the gift of life every day that i wake up,
i need to grab hold of it with everything i’ve got.
i must seek the joy i want to wear.
hot diggity damn do i want to wear it out!
we’ve got one life folks, what message are we trying to sell, problem are we trying to fix?
what if we really LIVED in the moment, became happy to have BREATH, and sought joy in every turn?
we would hear joy, be joy, see joy, envelope the world in joy.
let’s find our joy, SEEK IT OUT. now go!
how do you explain a special gift of attending a women’s Christian conference & a travel plan that makes you anxious (switching planes & a big Hotlanta airport with an embarrassing story to boot), & the connections from a stranger-turned-friend are placed in just the right timing? & even perhaps, how you sit next to the people on airplanes that may make some Christians balk, & make me open up even more about how i know we are ALL loved, & how all of it makes for one of the greatest weekends of my life? i will try with humor & truth. but is all of it just coincidence? nuh-uh. it isn’t. i am starting to believe in non-coincidence. if you think i’ve gone all crazy eight ball lady, you are wrong. i went to Hope Spoken, & the words, hugs, stories, shared meals, “coincidences” that i experienced are not fake. they did not happen on a reality t.v. show, or to someone’s aunt’s best friend. they happened to me. & i am going to be as brave as possible & share those stories, some bits of the conversations (privacy will be upheld completely), & down right COOL things that i experienced, & i will hopefully give you a sense of how this weekend & another weekend over a year & a half ago, have changed me forever. i went to the Influence Conference well over a year ago. that began the process of this weekend for me. click over here to read that recap. so i kinda knew what a women’s Christian conference could be, or would maybe look like. & was i ever excited. but the BEST part of this experience, is that while that conference was my first, & i loved every second of it, Hope Spoken felt like it was a gift from God, JUST FOR ME. that may sound selfish or weird, or like i loved this conference more, but i believe that what God started at the Influence Conference, He finished at Hope Spoken. He is the Ultimate Storyteller. when i tell you some of the deets, you will *hopefully* know, why it has taken me so long to even process this conference, & while some of it, will remain in my heart as a private love letter from God, shared only for my hopes & dreams, & for my future.
my roomie: darling, sweet, HILARIOUS, open, warm. her name is kerith, & i love her. she’s from texas. a mama, a wife, & an all around great friend & sister. kerith & i had not met in person before this weekend. by the time dinner rolled around a mere maybe two hours after we met, people at our table (hi beautiful ladies!) asked how long we knew each other, thinking we were long time friends. God knew that i would be shy to room with a “stranger”, that’s why i felt okay about letting some of my gunk out there prior to meeting her. we got to know each other online through emails & texts first. & i now cannot wait to stay in touch & become even better friends with this hilarious, sweet soul that lives in Texas. i’ve already asked if she’ll move her family to the mitten …. (please leave comments to coerce her to at least consider it, & leave out any details of said polar vor-anythings). 😉
the town: dallas. i may be in love with you. i told every person i encountered that i was from michigan. i had a confidence i never knew i had, i talked to the hotel peeps, the taxi drivers, the waitress, & i was just SO excited to have my toes painted with my open toed sandals on. i’d love to visit you again, perhaps next year for the Hope Spoken conference again? it is on my prayer list to go. let’s make it happen Dallas!
the decor/overall feel: i cannot express enough how in love i am with every little detail. casey, danielle & emily were so lovely, so thoughtful in their planning, & it made my heart sing, especially because i am a graphic design student right now, & am falling more & more in love with everything visual.
this is the warm up post. i will finish the other half of this with stories to tell you… (oh the stories!) and hopefully explain a little of how this weekend was one of the best in my life! more coming soon! and if you think of it today, will you say a prayer, or shoot some positive energy my way tomorrow morning. whatever is your thing, i’d love some good stuff, as i start a new adventure on a new job, and i’m a bit nervous! thanks lovelies! toodlelooly for now! (my grandma kitchen used to say that every time you left her…miss her SO much).
the wellness of all
the wellness of all
and others alike
is to be well with each other
elder, teen, babe or tike.
but what about the tweeners,
or folks in between,
can we give up on our wellness
our hopes, or our dreams?
well of course not,
you silly, you ninny, you fool,
we must break through our paperwork,
our taxes, the drool.
we must march ahead onward,
and fully with vim –
we are the tweeners, the lot of us,
whole, 2% or skim.
follow your dreams friends, as silly and outrageously awesome as they are.
for they may come true!
♥ cuteness provided by my nephews ♥
about my fears, i wrote the following, knowing that only by conquering my fears of beginning, will i ever know if i can. the more i wonder, the braver i become.
i am not the west.
i am the north.
i breathe the south.
i embrace the east.
but the west.
it is scary, dry, unknown, desolate perhaps.
is it sacred >> does it bring about cracks that want to envelop me?
i know nothing of its culture.
i am an immigrant in its land.
the west of what i dream and rake my future from, those west – are more than what i think i could handle if i got there.
but, what i know, in the form of fingertips and frostbite, unprepared – i’m heading there anyway.
with my cart.
because of my very horse.
the wagon of my stuff exposed – laid bare upon those cracked and hardened canvases of truth.
it is an apocalypse of fear that i will destroy with my beginning.
the fear is something erupting into my drums.
and i must march on.
to your dreams, to your hopes, to your beginnings.
i am sending out the blessing of the new year to each and every one of you. may we seek the joy in all we do, and may we spread the kindness as a living, breathing seed of good.
happiest of happy to you and yours. what is your west? go & explore it. may we find love wherever we are brave enough to travel.
i feel the mist, and yet, i am not affected.
nothing can stop this exhilaration of hope.
i am able to do hard things through one person here, & the Greatest One Ever.
me, & Him.
with work & FAITH.
He has built an unsinkable ship, & held strong through my storms – his coördinates = freedom.
i find it.
i always find it.
Him, there, with his heavenly arms outstretched, calling me to His comfort, His protection.
“rest my child, you are stronger if we bind together, like the braided rope of your anchor to me.”
i wonder if it is that easy.
i realize, He has given me my handsome, bravest, kindest, blue-eyed love, & our very favorite girl.
the silliness we create together, and the adventures of a lifetime (even if we didn’t see a bear).
how could i ever doubt my Father’s love for me, when i have experienced that kind of love?
which is a sliver, or a millionth of a sliver, of His love for US.
but most importantly,
i see HOPE.
i hope that my love is enough to show HIM through all i do.
not just my close people, but those of you whom i pray for with big auspicious prayers, without hesitation, i pray for us all, with HOPE.
and when we get to that great swell, that we are together.
for that is all i SEEK.
ALL of US together.
it makes me happy just the dream of it.
with the Him that started it all, and will conclude with a choir of angels, singing:
hallelujah, you are here. we are here.
i am HOPEFUL that His love will set us ALL free.
you, me, and whomever knows of this kind of LOVE.
is loving yourself is as freeing as giving yourself out of love?
let’s do the work and find out!
we must try to love the hard love every day.
we must laugh, and sing, dance and rejoice, every single day.
include, include, please include your hard-to-loves.
seek the sun, seek the sun, seek the sun. 🙂
if you are faint, cling to HIM.
for He will save us as He did His son.
and for that, we shall always know where our horizon lies.
my horizon is my hope.