fractals of joy

being the light refracted

being the light refracted

if i change the color of my hair, it is the same.

if i gain ten pounds of carb overloading for a race that i’m not racing (i’ve never done that! 😉 ), it remains constant.

if i forget to say thank you, or good morning, or good night, nothing has faded.

if i remember to say hello, say yes, or say no when appropriate, it is copasetic (as my dad says).

it is now.

it is then.

it will be.

His love for me.

when i’m in the dumps because of the chemicals in my brain that i can’t control…God loves me SO much that day, AND the greatest day of my happiness overload.

when i am cross with my love, and when i am graceful with myself.

God’s love is forever the same.

He loves me.

when i miss my favorite girl til my heart just feels like breaking into a prism of despair, and then she texts me with her lol’s and abbreviations.

He is in those moments. He knows my virtual hug from her was what i needed RIGHT THEN.

i still can’t get over it.

i’m working on it.

& working on trying to be more like Him, or at least love like i’d want to be loved.

but…i’m human for Pete’s sake! besides, for Pete’s best friend’s sake too, you are human. so is our pastor’s wife. & my school counselor. the customer service rep for my wireless provider. especially the hardest-to-love-people who drive me CRAZY.

but…God loves them JUST AS MUCH AS HE LOVES ME.
even though i am self-righteous sometimes.

too often.

yikes.

being human sometimes is the pits. and sometimes…

it ROCKS.

like:

happy green shirt from my favorite coffee place :)

happy green shirt from my favorite coffee place 🙂

this:

teeny tiny blue glass vases

teeny tiny blue glass vases

sometimes some of this too:

antrhopologie party

fancy pants sparkles for the anthro birthday party soiree (is that how you spell soiree?)

& a touch of this:

spring from my love

spring from my love

i am scooping up, and whittling together my own stained glass joy, because i’m realizing that i enjoy the light more from my bits & the fractals of color look better when i share, & isn’t that the point of this whole journey anyway?

i plan on getting messy, dirty, joyous, raucous with the good bits, & i’d love for you to share in that insane blissful chaos with me. what has shown you fractals of joy lately? spring is coming lovelies! i hear those birds, & i’m building my nest of bits of color & hope. join me! the comments section has been lonely lately. share something that has made you joyful lately, pretty please?

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i will conquer the west

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about my fears, i wrote the following, knowing that only by conquering my fears of beginning, will i ever know if i can. the more i wonder, the braver i become.

i am not the west.
i am the north.
i breathe the south.
i embrace the east.
but the west.
it is scary, dry, unknown, desolate perhaps.
is it sacred >> does it bring about cracks that want to envelop me?
i know nothing of its culture.
i am an immigrant in its land.
the west of what i dream and rake my future from, those west – are more than what i think i could handle if i got there.
but, what i know, in the form of fingertips and frostbite, unprepared – i’m heading there anyway.
with my cart.
because of my very horse.
the wagon of my stuff exposed – laid bare upon those cracked and hardened canvases of truth.
the west.
it is an apocalypse of fear that i will destroy with my beginning.
the fear is something erupting into my drums.
and i must march on.

to your dreams, to your hopes, to your beginnings.

i am sending out the blessing of the new year to each and every one of you. may we seek the joy in all we do, and may we spread the kindness as a living, breathing seed of good.

happiest of happy to you and yours. what is your west? go & explore it. may we find love wherever we are brave enough to travel.

love,

b

sigggggg22

confidence can:: laugh. aka: that one time i tried to “do a photoshoot for an outfit post”

CONFIDENCE CAN LOGO

hilariously not a fashion blogger.

hilariously not a fashion blogger.

first off, i am faboosh, whether the camera tells me that or not.  (a little confidence can, if you will). 🙂

this is a dark mistake of a picture of my living room.  it is just the tip of the iceberg that will blow your mind about the upcoming "fashion" post.

this is a dark blurry mistake of a picture of my living room. it is just the tip of the iceberg that will blow your mind about the upcoming “fashion” post.

but

um…how do fashion bloggers do it? there is a super popular series, well, i’m sure that there are many, many series devoted to this, but i know of what i wore wednesday, by the pleated poppy.

okay. i am not a fashion blogger. in fact, i am not what anyone may call fashionable (at least to the point that someone would ever wear what i wear together, as i wear it). but, instead of cleaning the fridge, grocery shopping, and cleaning my car, i thought i might try something different on this little space. for laughs, if you will.

now, in order to get a good look at what a fashion post is supposed to look like, i suggest my favorites here:

casey from the wiegands

lindsey from the pleated poppy

elsie & emma from a beautiful mess

mary from trusty chucks

carly from this is my story

okay, so do you see a pattern? they all look faboosh, they all have the “i’m cool, without trying to look cool” looks down, they inspire you to dress a little more put together.

umm, thanks instagram for editing out my sweaty, uneven makeup-ed forehead...oh wait...

umm, thanks instagram for editing out my sweaty, uneven makeup-ed forehead…oh wait… :0)

here are my takes:

(also, let it be known that i actually attempted to take some with my digital camera, and a leftover tripod from one of ar’s old christmas gifts a few years back, and then the camera died. and i have NO idea where the cables are to recharge it – this is already turning out great for a fashion shoot).

maybe if i make a funny face, no one will notice that i don't know what i'm doing?

maybe if i make a funny face, no one will notice that i don’t know what i’m doing?

and next up, we have the accessories “close up” shot, that so many before me have perfected:

a little too dark, and also, my hand looks like a limp duck neck.

a little too dark, and also, my hand looks like a plump, weird duck or something.

and next up, we have the “look at my pedicure/manicure that is so cute!” shot that i failed on epic proportions at:

one foot wonder.

one foot wonder.

and then, both feet:

please do not pay close attention to the details of this pedicure.  a 3 year old could have done a better job.

please do not pay close attention to the details of this pedicure. a 3 year old could have done a better job.

and then, you will not even know how to contain your jealousy at the next shot…

wait for it…

ready???

i like to call this one fashion dancer.

i like to call this one fashion dancer.

semi normal shot of the side of my head/my scrappy fabric headband thing.

semi normal shot of the side of my head/my scrappy fabric headband thing.

there were a few that i liked, but, alas, i am not a fashion blogger, unless wrists are what you are after:

boom. blew. your. mind.

boom. blew. your. mind.

so all in all, i think i will leave it to the pros, and just keep using pictures of other people, and nature. and gus the guinea pig.  because i am not afraid to say i am bad at something.

fashion blogging is something i am bad at. also, please don’t take this as me making fun of people that can do these.  i am jealous, and also want folks out there to know that the ones that look awesome, who have rad edited photos, and can look cute while doing it all?  kudos to you, and this stuff is hard, and takes so much time!!! my headband is off to you.

have a lovely day my friends, and i hope this post at least made you laugh. ps. my watch is from tarjay. it is this one.

sigggggg22

pleated poppy

today i want to tell you

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THERE’S A REASON YOUR HEART HEARS A BECKONING.

THERE’S A REASON THAT YOUR TEARS FALL WHEN THEY MAY.

THERE’S A SILVER GUILDED SILENCE THAT WRECKS YOU IN THE MOST UNIMAGINABLE WAY.

THIS IS YOUR DREAM. THOSE ARE YOUR SIGNALS.

YOU WERE MEANT TO LIVE THOSE DREAMS BEFORE YOU ARE NOT ABLE.

DO THEM.

GET THEM.

WORK THEM. THEY ARE YOUR GIFT; SO LOVELY.

EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING THEY STRIVE FOR, THEY NEED AND WANT.

YOU ARE ALL WORTHY AND WORTH IT.

DO NOT HARM ANOTHER IN YOUR STRIVING, BUT WORK TOGETHER.

WE CAN ROCK THIS WORLD, WE CAN ROLL WITH WHATEVER.

I PROMISE.

sigggggg22

confidence can:: vitaminia confidencia

CONFIDENCE CAN LOGO

do you know what you need sometimes? a boost. of vitamin c? of vitamin d?

of vitamina confidencia. i tell you, it will change you.

 i don’t like my pictures taken. i don’t think i’m the only one out there with this issue.

i never have, and i’m trying to change, so that one day, i will have pictures that i can browse and peruse, and tell stories from.

so, what did i do to get a dose of vitamina confidencia? had a photo shoot with my sister colleen, and her wicked awesome photo skills.

my advice for upping that ante for gaining some confidence?

have FUN with it. i am going to attempt to publish this post without making fun of my chin, or my pale, pale skin. 🙂

tip::  accessorize!  whether it’s with a fun hairstyle, or a favorite belt or necklace, pick something that makes you smile.


jewelry 2

pick out a few pieces that you love, in fact, if you really want to have some fun…take the time to lay out all of your baubles and lovely pieces, so you can look through them!  and if accessories are not your thing, then go to town with your clothes choices…i am more of an accessories girl – because let’s be honest, they always fit – so i chose to go with the jewelry route.

earring splay

i’m telling you, nothing gets me more perked up than a good bracelet, or a rocking pair of earrings.  and, i’m guessing, if you are anything like me, then that splash of color, or small sparkle will leave YOU sparkling.  🙂

let go bracelet

so after you pick out a few things, dazzle yourself with some awesome pieces (you can get fun, funky jewelry that is handmade and affordable on etsy, or big cartel!), then, try to relax…

crazy hands

silly smile

tilty

   you may even realize that you are beginning to have fun… and, you may just share a giggle or two along the way.

but the most important thing?

that you begin to really see yourself the way that others see you…silly, full of color, and lively.  because, my dears, you are ALIVE!  so, why shouldn’t we embrace that?

best colorsee?  no pale skin/chin jokes … and even though i believe that confidence is extremely important, health is supposed to be total, and not just emotional. i believe in being healthy, and have been working on getting fit. we need to realize that our health and our beauty go hand in hand with our confidence and self esteem!

i call it the confidence can creed:

i, (fill in your lovely moniker here) will not put my looks down.  i WILL celebrate this life I’ve been given with full vigor and passion.  i will realize that what i fill my mind and body with, will be a TRUE reflection of how i feel.  I will no longer judge my day based upon the scale, or if i need to have  a piece of chocolate. or whether my outfit cost $1,000 or is a hand-me-down.

BUT:  I will celebrate my healthy goal milestones. I will embrace my quirks.  I will acknowledge and celebrate my hair, my mind, my booty, my freckles.

 I will make sure to make my health a priority, in whatever way that is important to me,

so I can spread my lovely joy to those whose paths I cross once or daily.

Because, I am beautiful.  And it’s about freaking time I realized it!

God made me this way, and I will celebrate it (and accessorize til the guinea pigs come home)!

*DISCLAIMER: TO GAIN SUCH A STUNNING PALE GHOSTLY COMPLEXION, YOU NEED NOT BUY A SPRAY BOTTLE PALE.  THIS IS AU NATURAL.  SO PLEASE DO NOT TRY AND COPY, AS THIS BLOG AND WEBSITE ARE MY OWN.   😉 AND, IF YOU LIKE THE FLOWER LEATHER CUFF, MY FRIEND AMBER SELLS THEM HERE.